and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
