paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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