3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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