i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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