I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it because I queefed?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Panties = found
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
