this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
