whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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