After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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