As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I lost the right to judge tonight
not ubering you a puppy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
