all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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