My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
