we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
