He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
