So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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