ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
