Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
