i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
