Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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