Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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