Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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