I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
