well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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