I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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