My nipple is on Facebook.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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