Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
