Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
