it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
