Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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