Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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