Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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