he wants to bone in the snuggie
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
