i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
