Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
