3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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