Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
