I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
