And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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