i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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