Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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