Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
