Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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