Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
