you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
