Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
