It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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