We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this just has baby written all over it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
