That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
