She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
