I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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