I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
