Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
