I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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